A horse a horse

Good news:  I’m still capable of surprising myself.  The other day, on my way to work, I felt a faint tug at my sleeve.  A tiny old lady wanted me to pull her cart up the stairs for her.  I did something then that I’ve never done before: I said "no" and walked on up the stairs.  Sitting at my desk at work, the situation looping in my head, I couldn’t have been more stunned.  Who the hell EVER says "no" to an old lady?  Am I on the express elevator to Hell?  After some pained consideration, I decided that the event was insignificant from a moral perspective.  There was no reason that I had to be the one to lug that cart; any of the dozens of other riders streaming in behind me would certainly have lent a hand.  What enables me to live with, and even celebrate this moment, was the way it put into relief my sometimes careless, unthinking way of existing.  Yes.  Sorry.  Bless you.  Excuse me.  Good to see you.  It’s nauseating the way those words just come tumbling out.  Snubbing that old lady, while reprehensible and all of that, was the most satisfying thing I’ve done recently.  It reminded me that human beings are still fundamentally irrational, egocentric, unpredictable creatures.  I want to be a nice person (really), but not at the cost of my humanity.   

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 7th, 2005 at 7:21 pm and is filed under The Lloyd. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.