A horse a horse

Besides the Friendster profile, the most accurate tool available to humans for self-inventory is the Pivot quiz, popularized on Inside the Actor’s Studio. James Lipton is the ultimate sycophantic seer! The Lloyd’s responses:

What is your favorite word?
Brunch

What is your least favorite word?
Malignancy

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Trust

What turns you off?
Dogma

What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck

What sound or noise do you love?
Purring

What sound or noise do you hate?
Toddler’s screaming

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Motorcycle designer and fabricator

What profession would you not like to do?
Security guard

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Mi casa es su casa

Reading: Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

TV: Deadwood, ER, Scrubs, American Idol, The Apprentice, Deadliest Catch, American Hotrod

Favorite Epithet: Twit!

Disgusted: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, The Clearing, Assault on Precinct 13, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Delighted: Shattered Glass, Ararat

Hobby: Low-level philanthropy, Blogging

Celeb Sightings: Richard Kind, Slash, Duff, John Lithgow

Wounds: Two cat scratches to the face (one deep)

Would Give Up for Lent if I Observed Lent: Moving images, Ice cream

Epiphany: Cheese is addictive

Pet Peeves: High heel shoes, Long-windedness, Mall walkers

Stomach-Turning Weaknesses: New York Daily News, Blade Trilogy, ABS coffee

The gods must be testing me.  Again (see April 7 entry), I was placed in position to help a fellow human being, and once more I displayed a complete and utter lack of empathy.  Two mornings ago, crossing Yellowstone Boulevard on my way to work, I heard a crash in the street behind me.  I turned around and saw an attractive, shaken young woman awkwardly kneeling in the middle of crosswalk, scooping up lipsticks, eyeliners, and other purse flotsam.  The exhalations of the the idling cars seemed like smoke signals sent up from impatient drivers … would … this … person … please … just … get … the … helloutoftheroad!  I took a step towards her, my arm reaching forward, then I stopped, turned on my heel and walked away.  My first thought was "Crap!  I did it again.  More blog fodder."  Next, the rationalizations started: she didn’t look hurt, she was just about finished picking up her things, she would have refused the help of a stranger anyway, and so on.  Then the angry axioms: you get what you deserve when you wear spiky heels, those who can’t cross the street without falling down are doomed to a life walking in circles, etc.  Then the lamebrain fantasies: no doubt, she was just the bait in an elaborate trap to mug me .  Yeah, that’s the ticket — three of her thug friends were probably waiting nearby, ready to pounce on my altruistic ass.  Truth is, I don’t know why I didn’t at least ask her if she was okay and offered my assistance.  Maybe I’ve been infected with some sort of airborne Calvinism — you’re on the ground because you deserve it (now, deal!).  Fine, God, I’ll work on my spontaneous responses to human suffering.  I just pray that I’m not being punk’d.

My picks for the best movies about the movie biz.

1.  Cecil B. Demented

2.  Boogie Nights

3.  Get Shorty

4.  Bowfinger

5.  Barton Fink

6.  State and Main

7.  Swimming with Sharks

8.  The Player

9.  The Big Picture

10.  Living in Oblivion 

"No ad libbing!"

–Cecil B. Demented