The Fall of Lloyd
Equinox my eye. Fall, the friskiest season, puts in her first appearance no later than the day after Labor Day. I do so love fall: crystalline air and dusky shadows, supple leather boots and camel hair coats, backpacks and bag lunches. Fall. Autumn. Things autumnal. I feel like conversing in a foreign language. Snuggling. Sipping. Making a fool of myself. This is the season. We will never be more beautiful, witty, kind, or intelligent than at this very moment.
Travel
Three weeks ago, I enjoyed my first cruise vacation. Kathy and I were guests aboard Royal Caribbean’s behemoth Voyager of the Seas (once the largest passenger liner afloat) for a weeklong cruise to Bermuda. I won’t bore you with details of what we did, saw, or ate, because in these respects we were completely typical cruise consumers — we did everything there was to do, saw everything there was to see, and ate everything there was to eat. Confined in the belly of a steel beast the size of the Empire State building, out in the middle of the Atlantic, you would too. Things that surprised me: the ship was traveling around 23 knots (27 mph), but it felt like we were doing 80 with the windows down; the ocean was an intense royal blue, not the gray-green I was expecting; and not a single star was visible because of light pollution. Communal dining was agonizing at times. Five funseeking couples should have had loads to discuss, but we were all awkward silences. Still, I’d recommend cruising to anyone, especially during hurricane season, which adds a whiff of danger to the proceedings. Imagine wolfing down two plates at the breakfast buffet, looking out the window, and seeing a pod of whales surfacing off the port side. That’s living.
In two weeks, I’m off to Denver for a business trip. From what I’ve been able to glean about the city so far, I’m expecting lots of beef, beer, and boulders. Seriously, I’m thrilled to make my second trip into the great plains (first trip was to Lincoln, Nebraska, another mecca of beef and beer, but not so many boulders) and take in all that mile-high air. The armchair-curious should check out arrounddenver.com, an amazing virtual tour of the city.
Entertainment
Fall movie season is off to a running start with two lean thrillers by cinemasters David Cronenberg and Wes Craven. Cronenberg’s A History of Violence tells the story of Tom Stall (played by Viggo Mortenson), a midwestern everyman with a mysterious east coast past and a penchant for killing killers. Maria Bello (a soon to be A-lister) plays his insanely attractive and randy wife, who struggles to reconcile the Forrest Gump and Terminator sides of her beefy spouse. Cronenberg plays with our preprogrammed responses to horrific violence and the simple moralities that can’t quite contain it all. I had to see Wes Craven’s Red Eye after reading a review which included the words "Alfred" and "Hitchcock." While not Hitchcockian exactly, Red Eye is a tight, almost claustrophobic political assassination thriller starring Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy. Nobody but nobody does creeping-around-the-house thriller like Craven. When the bad guy popped out from behind the door I screamed like a little girl. Eek.
Politics and Religion
I am not a political animal. Most of the time, I’m content to sit by and let the ruling party waste my tax dollars, wage wars, erode freedoms, and generally make a mess of things. But now I’ve found a political issue I can finally get excited about: whether or not Intelligent Design should be taught in public schools. Intelligent Design, which is without a doubt the stupidest idea to hit education since Professor Harold Hill’s Think System, has been hotly debated in Kansas and Pennsylvania all year. The world community, who already think we’re big bullies, now have plenty of reasons to think we’re big stupid bullies. It’s so damned embarrassing. Thank Darwin for people like Bobby Henderson who remind us that even if the freaky prudes win, our side is funnier.
